Its my birthday. A time for reflection, growing, and maturing.

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Friends can be disappointing. After a couple big disappointments, you start to wonder if they are really a friend. Then after one huge disappointment, or maybe a bunch of medium sized ones – you realize they are not a friend. Its a ghost of a friend what once was.

Family can also be disappointing. Whether its not following through, giving you tough love, telling you to be better, pushing you to move forward into the atmosphere and absorb something new.

But whether is friends or family, there is always someone there to help you. There is always someone that is going to pull through – to give you want you need, to do what they say, to do something amazing and unexpected, to support you in what you do. TO be there at the drop of a hat to make sure you are having an amazing moment in this lifetime full of moments.

You see, everyone says friends are about quality not quantity.

(phone break. You see a lot of time people will say they will do something, but never follow through. My sister brittany told me this morning – right after she wished me a happy birthday, inquired about my day, and wished me a great rest of the day – said she would call me later. Guess what – she did 🙂 I am so touched by the fact that she remembered – she pulled through, which was just what I needed at that exact second. I love her for being there for me and calling me twice on my birthday – i love you b)

So yes – quality not quantity. I used to think I needed to have a million friends. Although you hear all the time that its about quality – its still rewarding to think “I have 20 friends, or 40 friends”, etc. But the fact of the matter is – I think its scary when people have that many friends. If you really think about – those people tend to either not show their own self, change when they are around other people, or never open up fully to others. anyways…

My point is Ive learned a lesson in quality. Although I do not have a ton of close friends, or even a ton of acquaintances – i try to surround myself with people that I enjoy. People that will support me, uplift me, value me, respect me, trust me, and ultimately love me. Even when that means they might be sacrificing something of their own. Obviously as the friend recieving – the same respect and love should be given to them. I am not going to make a friend drop everything over something silly and non important.

That being said – you learn really fast whether a friend is quality or quantity when situations like that come up. Where you need to be supported, to be uplifted, to be shown value, to be given respect, to feel that warm blanket of trust, and to feel love.

You learn really fast. At least I do. I do not like that feeling of knowing a friend has not provided that to me. Its hard for me to forget that or to unlearn that taught behavior. If a friend has not been there to support me, that tells me my behavior was silly – not appreciated – not understood – the message was not translated. Therefore – dont do it again. Its like when kids need support as a child and do not recieve it – they learn either 1. dont go to that parent for support in that manner or 2. act out in another way to get that support.

I tend to go to the 1 option. Dont go to that person for support anymore. Dont put that person in being a friend-situation anymore – because I will not get the desired response.

But in the end, after you sluffed off all the extra unnecessary titles of ‘friend’ from people around you, you are left with the people that actually are your friend. Ive suprised myself to have a group of friends that are actually in my family. I never thought those two would over lap – but sometimes I see them so much more as friends than I do family. Maybe thats what my family is though – maybe friends/family in my case are synonomus. How fortunate. I know first hand this is not always the case – for my family is complex.

I guess on this birthday – I want to make note as to how much I have changed.
Friends are about quality. I understand that. And instead of understanding it – but still longing for quantity – I long for quality.
Also – the last thing I did on my birthday was go to work out. This is something that a year or two ago – I would have never done. I think that is a true testiment as to how I am changing and improving my life. I am taking control and living up life – whether there is someone right along side of me or not. Because I might appear to be by myself – but im never alone. …

Pam: An impression, then. Lastly, we can’t help but notice that he was by himself when he died, but of course, we all know that doesn’t mean he was alone. Because I’m sure that there were lots of other birds out there who cared for him very much. He will not be forgotten

(its scary how much the office relates to my everyday life)

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